Do you get tired of saying “no” to your children?
Take a couple of days and listen to yourself. Are your answers negative? Are you continually responding with a no, not now, don’t even ask. . .
How can you change that?
The children and I were in a thrift store together and they found a little bead craft that they love to do. It was not only a large tub of the Perler beads but the pegboards in many different shapes, too. The price was right. We brought it home.
A good bit of time and concentration has been spent by the children with this craft. Sorting through the colorful beads, creating all the different shapes and combinations of color choices. They have even begun to think outside the box of the shapes and make their own designs.
It really is a delight for them to finish their project. Then they anxiously wait for me to get to the last step of ironing the beads together, and taking the craft off the peg board.
The finished product has been incorporated into the children’s play, and been given as gifts – all such good things in life for them to learn.
But. . .
At first, this craft time was something I dreaded.
In fact, it took me quite a while before I was willing to get it out the first time. When the children would ask to do it, I would be quick to say no. or not today. it’s too messy …
I can easily make a mountain out of what looks like an inconvenience to me – or a big mess that I will need to clean up.
Then there is the excuse of space in this small living. ( I need the table space to cook) Easy, in my mind, why to say “no”.
Then the little fingers need my time given to them to get their beads where they want them, or help to sort certain colors out.
TIME.
You know, the Grown up Momma mentality, I have so many important things to do today.
NO, we are not doing a craft today.
The first time we got it out, Jasper, who is one, was up and lively.
Big mistake.
His little fingers were in so many places they shouldn’t have been. And into the mouth, the little beads go…
We have learned to do this at nap time.
I started to realize, that not only with crafts, and small child requests, I am quick to react with “no”.
Changing my Response
So often, my negative answer is simply a response, and not at all thought through on my part. No real reason – just a personal inconvenience.
I do not want to be a negative parent that my children can not expect to hear a positive answer. God delights in giving good gifts to His children, why should I do any less? (John 14:13-14)
Sigh.
So I have been working on being a “Yes” Momma.
I still catch myself saying ‘No’ too quick sometimes, and then I have to back peddle, and say: ” Wait a minute! YES! you can!” 🙂
Now that I have been saying ‘yes’ more, the children know how to get everything out for their bead crafts. They pour some beads into cereal bowls for easier sorting. Everything is done on individual jelly-roll pans so that the small sides of the pans keep most stray beads at their workspace, also giving them a place to put colors they have sorted out.
Walden, the oldest, has learned to give a helping hand to the younger children in their project.
Each time I am still involved – to help sort colors, or with designing.
It’s been good for all of us that I am learning to be more of a “YES” Momma.
Getting over the ‘no’ and saying ‘yes’ to the children
When I have children that are stair steps in their ages, making for many little hands and feet in our home, it is often the easier road to say no.
But It is not the children’s fault that we are so many “Littles”.
Or that Momma too often puts her focus on her to do list.
Being a ‘yes’ Momma does not make me an overly permissible parent. Often it is simply rewording what I say.
“Momma, can we have a cookie?”
“yes, after supper.” (Not No!)
“Can we go outside and play?”
“Sure! as soon as the living room is tidy and vacuumed.”
Ever so slowly I am learning more “Yeses!”.
Part of that learning for me is simply pause in my response a few seconds, and THINK about my response.
~Sheila
Question: Does this area challenge you, too as a parent? Have you found your way to intentionally saying ‘yes’ more often?
